This is the post in which people will no doubt call me crazy, creepy, weird, or damaged. Yippee!
Today I read a post from Rachel. In it she says:
and every time I do it I think it’s just something that younger me would be really, really excited about. (And yes, I think about what younger me would think of me now from time to time.)
I, too, sometimes think about what my young self would be thinking about who I am today.
Occasionally, I refer to this younger self as “Past Heather.” For example, I know that Past Heather would never approve of me being friends with my pal Jason. She would be offended by everything he said and need to “take a stand” against it. But, thankfully, I have grown over the past several years and realize that I can, in fact, be friends with someone who I disagree with 95% of the time. [Also thankfully, I've come to learn how and when to share my opinion and add some perspective to his thoughts.]
I also, occasionally, make mention of a few other heathers from time to time.
“Reasonable Heather” – the part of me who isn’t ridiculous about things that say….
“Rom-Com Character Heather” is. That girl is crazy. She is overly-influenced by society and pop culture and Jane Austen and thinks that X, Y, and Z not only need to happen in her life, but also should happen by the time she is 30. [Oddly, X, Y, and Z have never been “married/home/baby” – I somehow missed out on signing the contract for mandatory baby fever, and “Bride Heather” is out of the question.]
Thankfully, Reasonable Heather is around a lot more often than Rom-Com Character Heather. Enough so, at least, that when the later starts feeling insecure for no reason what-so-ever, she gets whacked in the back of the head by the former.
Added to this year’s list of characters, we bring on “Hippie Heather.” I received a package this week and when Nick asked what it contained I said, “Oh – Hippie Heather ordered some books.” [The truth is, I have realized in the past year that I am much more of a "hippie" than anyone, I included, ever really expected. And I love that I feel at home in this description]
And of course, thanks to How I Met Your Mother, “Past Heather” is met with her partner, “Future Heather.” Sometimes I do things to help her out. Like pack my lunch the night before so Future Heather can hit the snooze button. Or hide $40 in the kitchen for when Future Heather is running low on cash and doesn’t have time to stop by the ATM. [ And no – you may not come over and search my kitchen.]
We also have “Then Heather Said.” I explained it to my friends this summer, during a discussion about the GOMI forums and the fact that I always seem to end my sad/angry/bad posts with a happy note.
Heather Shugarman is indeed the same as Then Heather Said. But Heather Shugarman’s time:experience ratio is completely different than Then Heather Said’s.
Whereas it may take Heather Shugarman 4 weeks to get from point A to point B, it takes Then Heather Said 500 words. [ok – let’s be real. It usually takes Then Heather Said 1200 words.] What I, myself experience, work through, and figure out in a few months’ time, I write about in one post. So it appears “I” go from really angry and hate filled, to a happy ending in several paragraphs because Then Heather Said is completely two-dimensional. In reality, I struggled through the emotions in “real time” personally before I decided to write about it on this here blog.
Why do I choose to do that? Because I personally don’t enjoy reading blogs that are full of whining, complaining, and poor me-ing and therefore don’t want to shower that kind of content on to those of you who do read THS.
Of course, there is also “Runner Heather” who only eats certain foods before long run days and pays money to run races which sometimes end up crushing my liveliness and leaving me feeling miserable. [Reasonable Heather and Hippie Heather often don’t know what the hell Runner Heather is thinking. Then Reasonable Heather remembers “to each their own” and Hippie Heather mentions something about “whatever brings more love and peace into her world” and that’s when we find balance, my friends.]
I embrace each of these Heathers, because each of them is an important part of my life, adding to my story. I embrace the multiple-personalities because it’s much better than being one dimensional. My past and my future, the society I live in, culture I’m surrounded by and beliefs I’ve formed, my hobbies both in blogging and in running – all these form who I am. They impact my decision making, my thought process, my dreaming and my goal making. These things have a say in how I spend my money, where I spend my time, and the people I surround myself with. These “Heathers” each lend a voice that when woven together makes the most sense to me. And quite honestly, I love that voice.
Recently I was thinking about my time in New York. [I'll have been here four years come August!]
My 26th year was a lot about disappointment and picking up the pieces. Changing plans and crawling through the days to survive.
My 27th year was about independence and standing on my own. I proved myself to myself, and learned how to love myself again.
My 28th year, my golden year, has been about finding my place in community. Celebrating healthy relationships while eliminating damaging ones.
I’m not yet sure what my 29th year will be bringing me, but I’m willing to bet that Past Heather, Future Heather, Reasonable Heather, Rom-Com Character Heather, Hippie Heather, Then Heather Said and Runner Heather will all have something to say about it. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.