Things I Used to Be

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I used to be a roommate. To over 30 different people in my life time. 

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I used to be a big fan of the Lodi High School boys soccer team. 

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I used to be an employee of Journey’s shoe store.

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I used to be a Wisconsinite.

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I used to be a collector of buttons.

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I used to be the drum major.

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I used to be someone’s fiancé; and a bride to be.

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I used to be foolish enough to believe I would harvest crops out of my tiny apartment, with the blackest thumb around.

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I used to be the best RA of all times. [just ask Kelly]

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I used to be a sandwich artist.

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I used to be a Louisiana College Wildcat and an English major.

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And before that, I was an Edgewood College Eagle and an Early Education Exceptional Needs major.

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I used to be obese.

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I used to be a youth pastor.

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I used to be involved in theater.

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I used to be extremely lonely in New York.  [Then I met some local blends.]

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All these things I used to be, all the titles I’ve held, the jobs I’ve had, the relationships I’ve harvested, and the challenges I’ve faced,  all of this and so much more, is part of my story.  All of this and so much more has helped to shape me into the Heather I am today, and the Heather I will continue to become tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, too.

There are things I will always be: a daughter, a sister, a friend.  A woman, a writer, a life romantic

There are things I will probably always be: crafty, less funny than I think I am, and a bit of a control freak.  A horrible speller, one who types quickly, and a lover of Madison

These “always” things, and “probably always” things, these too are a part of my story.  Just as the things I’ve yet to become and still lay ahead in my future are a part of it too. 

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As I continue to gain new definitions these days, [runner, girlfriend, public speaker..] I continue to reflect on where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and how I’ve gotten to be where I am today.  In this place of newness, that will eventually become oldness.  I also look ahead to the future and dream about the titles I hope to have one day, the things I hope to be called, the accomplishments I want to reach.

It’s easy to look back and “remember when,” thinking about all you’ve done and wishing yourself able to revisit the good memories of your past. It’s easy to look ahead and hold discouragement that you’ll never reach the places, the goals, the titles, the definitions you’ve longed after for so long. 

The hardest part is being able to look in the mirror and acknowledge that the only title that truly matters is “me.”  All encompassing, complete and whole – me. Past, present, and future. No matter where I’ve been or where I am going: I am enough. [and you are too.]

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21 thoughts on “Things I Used to Be

  1. alyssa

    This was beautiful. I love looking back on the trails that have led us to RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. You should be proud of yourself. I sense big things on the horizon. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Michelle

    This reminds me of a line from a poem by Anis Mojgani…
    “Am I something?
    And the answer comes:
    already am,
    always was,
    and I still have time to be.”

    Reply
  3. Ali

    Man, we must be on the same emotional cycle, because I really needed to read this.
    I live in Madison (neener neener neener :p). I am not happy with my body. I get lonely. But after reading this, Heather, you really have sparked something else in me. I will move forward…one day at a time. THANK YOU.

    Reply
  4. Alison @ The Peacock Diaries

    GREAT post — I love learning more about you (and remembering a few things about me)! I spend more time thinking about how others see me than figuring out how I see myself…but I should probably reverse that.

    I’ve only had 15 roommates in my life (including the furry 4-legged one in my lap). I think that’s probably enough for me 😉

    And I think you’re FUNNIER than you think you are. What do you think of that?

    Reply
    1. Heather Post author

      my post from today “Recent Scene” almost disproves your theory about my funniness 😉

      Reply
  5. gramshugs

    You are so inspiring…your words have worked some wonders for me…

    among the things you will always be is…IN MY HEART…G

    Reply
  6. Amy

    This was a wonderfully reflective post Heather, it is so important to remember that sometimes in life the things we are are transient, we inhabit them for a moment and then they are gone. But the fundamentals remain and the most important of these to honour is just to be me. Whoever she is in that moment.

    Reply
    1. Heather Post author

      confession: I could still, to this day, eat subway every day for a month, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and be a-okay.

      there is SO MUCH VARIETY.

      still. TO THIS DAY.

      I just LOVE subway. it’s pretty much lame.

      We used to come up with these wicked awesome combinations.
      we also had some subs that not all subways had – like taco, and bbq chicken – and we would get really creative – like make nachos with fritos and the taco meat and tons of veggies and such.
      Or bbq chicken dorito nachos.
      and with all the sauce choices!
      also – things you may not think of: roast beef sandwich + sour cream (from the taco subs) = SO GOOD! oh my gosh, yum.

      and now i want Subway for dinner.

      also- it should be noted, that I worked at the Lodi Subway. every employee there besides the Owners (mike and carol) and their college aged daughter were high school students. So the owners would work during the day, and then two or three high school students would close the store. and work the weekends. so i was ALWAYS working with my friends, and we would play the best music and just have an all around good time.

      oh, scrubway. how i love thee.

      Reply
      1. Jessica @ Healthy Dairyland

        I worked at a Subway in Janesville that was at a gas station. It was super gross. I did have a mild obsession with wheat bread, bacon, yellow mustard, pickles, and black pepper. I don’t think I’ve ate it since high school though! Perhaps we will have to take a sandwich artist pic at HLS!

        Reply
  7. Rebecca

    Heather, you are GREAT! I’m so glad I found your blog and that I’m getting to know you. This is beautiful!! Thank you for sharing yourself and your beautiful writing with me!

    Reply

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