I’ve had a headache for 3 days.  It pretends to go away for an hour or two, and then it reappears.

I have no desire to write.  I keep telling myself that I need to.  That I should. That if i just sit down and open up one of the 17 drafts I have in live writer, that the words will just pour out of me.  because i am wordy. and that’s how it’s suppose to work.  Regardless, I haven’t been able to finish one of those posts.

I have been a Debbie Downer for the last week or so.  I can tell because my twitter feed sounds more whiney than cheerful.  I can tell because my google reader keeps looming around 500.  I can tell because there are only a handful of people that I want to talk to as of late.  I can tell because I am stuck in this feeling sorry for myself attitude that I really do loathe, but keep finding myself sitting it it.  GROSS.

I want to escape it. 

I want to escape the negative comments.  I want to escape the mean words. I want to escape the confusion and the headache.  I want to escape the desire to quit, to give up, and to stop doing the things that just a few weeks ago made me extremely happy and feel “at home”. (which is something I feel I am constantly on a quest to find)

I know that healing, any kind of healing takes time.  Healing from an injury. Healing from an illness. Healing from heart break. Healing from this stupid reappearing headache. It all takes time. And so does healing from a bad day, or a rough week, or a poor attitude.

So this weekend, I find myself taking time.

Time to watch the snow fall from my deck.
Time to eat grapes and tangerines and a peach+banana green monster.
Time to journal through my doubts and fears and find rest in words of hope and faith.
Time to read my Bible, and some Donald Miller, and Losing It by Valerie Bertinelli, and the March issue of Women’s Health.
Time to listen to NPR podcasts on my ipod and not say a word for several hours.
Time to watch Sydney White and giggle. and giggle. and giggle.
Time to drink a Cherry Coca-Cola and dig deep into my heart to figure out WHY I am feeling this way. 

It’s not enough just to treat the symptoms. I need to take time to treat what it is that is causing the symptoms. It’s a matter of transformation & change.